My Thoughts Right Now...

They say, the "heart is the most deceitful thing there is" and I agree. It has been over a week now since we have met and exactly a week since I have first laid my eyes on you. I guess the connection was instant, but before I met you, I thought I was decided to keep what I have. I was headstrong. I knew what I wanted. I was certain. A lot of temptations came my way in the past two years that I was with her. There was a guy from work that I liked, there were ex's wanting to rekindle old flames, and a guy who wants to marry me. I never gave in. I told myself, the hardest thing to do is be sane in this insane world and to know what you want. Now, I am torn.

You came unexpectedly. Your entry in my life left me in awe. Until now, I can hear the laughter ringing in my ears that day we had our first breakfast at McDonald's. I can still feel you eyes assessing me, staring at me, and the first time you held my hand, only to say that there is someone new coming along. How could I have been so naive? How come I didn't know you were referring to yourself?

I opened myself to the possibilities of us. I got vulnerable and I liked it. I consented to it, like all those other times I consented to my tries of being an infidel. I was never good at it. Most of the times, Karma comes even before I make the good move, or even I make up my mind. Maybe because knowing I was up to something bad, Karma comes to the picture first.

However, with the transition of things now, I just know that I am willing to be what I want to be. I just fear, that when the time comes for me to decide, I know it will be hard, and there might be no one left for me.