saying goodbye...

is one of the hardest things to do. the rain is with me on this. it is one thing in my lfe that i am always scared of. it is one thing in my life that often comes during the most unexpected time. it comes when i least expected it.

meeting you was circumstancial. it was a time when i was certain about things yet i was uncertain of myself. and not even long ago, i was sure that i want things to change, to move into another routine, to start my life anew. maybe i was in some from of denial when you walked into my life. maybe i was pretendung things were all right even if they weren't. maybe your coming into my life was a sign that everything is not all right...that things were not the same anymore, that it was time to move on.

i am not even sure what i want anymore. i am confused. i love her but i know im learning to love you too, as you put it, more each day. but, is it right? what if i am only overwhelmed of the attention i am getting? what if i'm wrong? what if i break up with her and ours do not work out? what if i choose her and things would not work out too? what if in the end she cheats on me and you are no longer there? what if i choose you and it ends up i love her more?

there are a lot of things going on my mind. thousands of possibilities. gazillions of reasons, right and wrong. as my friend had put it, mitch, you are stretching the truth. yet, what is the truth?

in due time, things will go haywire and i might end up losing it all. i will get ready. i know this came to me because i asked for it. i will get ready for another bout of loneliness that is about to envelope me. i will get ready for the new chapter of solitude, for the new chapter of manic-depression.